To begin...

I guess every online journal needs some sort of introduction. Seems like a waste to me; on my current settings this will disappear in seven posts, leaving people to make up their own mind (as they will after one post, anyway). Maybe the intro is simply a catharsis for the author, a sort of slow wade into the cold water of narcissism. At some point, the water hits your swim trunks, and then your crotch gets wet before you’re really ready and then, hell, you may as well jump in anyway, right?

Well, if you haven’t already clicked the “Next Blog” button, (after all, who wants to read about cold testicles?) you may be asking some of the usual questions. Shoot.

Constant Reader: Okay. What’s up with the name?

Porten: Yeah. I guess I’ll need a catchier title if I ever want people to read this thing. Which I do and don’t. Anyway, when I was three or four, this is what I told the shopping mall Santa Claus I wanted for Christmas. I also told him my name was Sirius. Or so my parents claim. I chose this as the title for the journal because I hope some part of me is still like that kid.

CR: So does this blog have a theme?

P: This isn’t a blog. It’s an-

CR: -online journal. Whatever.

P: Not really, no.

CR: Then why did you start it?

P: Well, I keep getting these ideas that don’t really belong anywhere. They seem too abstract and impersonal for my real journal.

CR: Does your “real journal” have a heart shaped lock on it?

P: Shut up.

CR: Sorry. Go ahead.

P: For you information, it’s a blue notebook I spilt Jack & Coke on some years ago.

CR: Sorry, really.

P: Yeah. Anyway. The point is that I feel like feedback on these ideas might be helpful. I’d like to see if they are going somewhere.

CR: So this IS all narcissistic. Next blog!

P: Wait a tick! If this is just vanity, what are you? Fucking voyeur.

CR: Okay, fine. But didn’t you write for that other blog that’s just getting popular?

P: Done As A Society. Yeah. But my ideas didn’t fit there. It’s a clearinghouse, a sort of “best of the internet.” I did current events humor there, I used to lampoon news article from the Times or Post. The stuff I wanted to write doesn’t fit there so much. I plan to write more news columns and publish them both places.

CR: You aren’t going to censor comments, are you? Pussy?

P: No. Not yet.

CR: Not yet?

P: Well, if I start getting those spam comments like “Hey, Jon, you’re really funy lol, cum check out my nude pics at xxxmelissa.com!”

CR: That website rocks.

P: Yeah.