Trick or Treat: A Belated Halloween Entry (bumped for the holiday)

I’m never quite sure what to make of the slutty cop costume. You know the type:

Or the slutty nurse:

Or the slutty firefighter, bunny, kitty, axe murderer, axe murder victim or… whatever:

I mean, what are you even supposed to be?

Desperately seeking attention?

How is that any different than yesterday?

The problem with these costumes is that they reject the premise that makes Halloween great: that you can be something different for a day. Instead, we have the same thing all over: girls in tight clothing feeling both offended and flattered (a sort of female nirvana) that the guys would dare stare at the tits they have exposed to the 45 degree evening and guys ogling chicks they’ll never get. The only difference is that some of us men are dressed as wolves and Neanderthals, a sort of ironic take on Halloween in which we appear as we really are.

If you are a man, you may find yourself asking “Dude, are you suggesting girls shouldn’t dress like that on Halloween?”

Yes I am. Sort of. What I’m actually suggesting is that one night per year, men deserve not to be tortured by scantily clad females who won’t sleep with us. The problem is, we have neither the strength nor fortitude to quit looking, which is what tortures us and pleases them. So I need to appeal to the general sense of humanity in women to step up to the plate, reject the gender paradigm that enslaves men, and dress like something interesting.* Or, if it’s easier, just sleep with the guy who ogles you the most.

*In a way other than boobs are interesting.