This was just an odd experience. I went to Target to get a day planner. They have an aisle for calendars and planners and journals, and what I really want is basically a notebook with half a page for each day. A check most of the planners on the rack, but they all start in January. Now, I presume that most people who go to the store to get a day planner would just as rather get organized today rather than four months from now, but whatever. It’s not as though I expect Target to always carry 2006 planners and have some guy go through and rip out all the old pages or anything, and it is a bit late in the year to expect someone to purchase a full 2006 planner (though I would have), but it is back-to-school time; not only a pivotal time of year for people to start getting organized, but also the time when planners provided by your school run out. Like mine had.

So, having been a student for the last twenty-odd years, I head over to the ‘back-to-school’ section to see if they carry planners than start nowabouts. Now, I gotta say that I feel a bit uncomfortable in the back-to-school area, like I’m a poser of some kind. Little did I know… This guy who looks about my age walks by me, gives a little start, and turns back around.

Guy: Hey, do you go to school around here?

Fuck. I’m caught. Wait. Caught doing what? Being a non-student in the back to school section?

Me: No, I’m actually done with school.

Guy: Oh, you look familiar.

I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

Me: Yeah, you too.

Guy: You go to high school around here?

Me: Yeah, down in [internet freaks who steal your identity].

Guy: Oh. I went to [redacted for you’ll see why in a second].

Pause.

Me: Ah. In college I dated a girl from there for a lot of years. Maybe you were friends and I met you through her. Her name’s [she hates me but I don’t hate her].

Guy: You’re a college grad?

Huh?

Me: Yeah.

Guy: You just finished college?

Me: No, I just finished law school.

Guy: Oh, very cool. What do you do for work now?

Have we met? Are you going to buy me a drink? Should I just e-mail you my resume?

Me: I’m a clerk at a law firm up the road. In downtown [don’t you pederasts wish].

Guy: Oh. I see. Say, I gotta question. Are you ever looking for extra money?

Now, there’s one more weird part, but I need to stop here. Without looking back, do you remember what line this guy opened with? Give up? “You look familiar.” Now, it didn’t occur to me until about five minutes later, but this guy never thought I looked familiar. That’s actually his opening line to offer people a job with some pyramid scheme sales company or something. Anyway, for whatever dumbass reason, I say that I am looking for money, and yadda yadda, trying to be polite, and then:

Me: I’m pretty busy.

Guy: That’s perfect! We love busy people!

Yeah, well I don’t love being busy. I like reading and playing video games. I hate work, jackass.

Me: So what exactly would I be doing? Do you have a website or a brochure or something?

Guy: We have a website, but I don’t want to get there just yet. How about we set a time for coffee?

I hate to admit it, dear reader, but I gave the guy my phone number. He's too embarrassed to let me see what the job is without him there to give me hard sell, and I didn't bow out gracefully. Now I’m going to have to break up with him over the phone.